Hilarious Insurance Quotes

If we are unlucky enough to be involved in a car accident, of course it is never our fault. The following quotes show what people write on their insurance claim forms. Apparently these are strange but true stories.

Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.".

I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one (Irish).

I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.".

The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.

The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him.

I told the other idiot what he was and went on.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.

Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.

A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

Never Judge By Appearance: A Salutary Chinese Tale

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, 'Likee soupee?'
The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.




A little later, it was 'Likee fishee?' and 'Likee meatee?' and 'Likee fruitee?' and always the response was an affable nod.




At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of his American neighbour.




When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, 'Likee speechee?'

Actual questions asked of Canadian reference librarians

Do you have books here?



Do you have that book by Rushdie, 'Satanic Nurses'? [Actual title: "Satanic Verses"]



I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.



Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?



Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?



Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?

Out of the mouths of babes

A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Sarah replied, "They will in a minute"

Out of the mouths of babes

A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Sarah replied, "They will in a minute"